Monthly advice on how to write your child's Letter of Intent,
also known as a Life Plan
"I'm not good with death."
You've heard people say it. Maybe you've even said it yourself. But here's a secret: Even people who aren't good with death somehow find a way to die. I know that sounds harsh—no one wants to think about death. It's natural for it to feel a bit scary. But your child needs you to overcome your fears. Your child needs you to write something down. I know it seems overwhelming. I know it's something that anyone would struggle with. But this is a struggle with yourself that you need to win.
Unfortunately, the same people who fail to write down a Life Plan for their child also don't get around to writing a will. That's terribly unfortunate because someone has to care for your child when you die, and it would be nice if they had both the instructions and the funds to do a good job.
Let's face it. You are not alone. It's nobody's idea of a pleasant hobby to contemplate their own demise. So don't think about it. Think about your child instead. What does your child need? Your child needs a Life Plan, that's what. Think about what your child's life will be like without you. I know that is depressing. But think about how much worse it would be if the next caregiver has no instructions.
I know it's painful to think about, but humor me for just a few minutes. Think about what would happen to your child if the next caregiver has no instructions. All the things that you know—all the things it took you years to figure out—the new caregiver starts from scratch. When does she get her medications? What time does the bus come? What does she like to eat for lunch? Can your child answer any of these questions?
But it's really worse than that. As hard as that would be for the caregiver, think about your child's life. Your child would become a big science experiment. Month after month, your caregiver would be experimenting. Trying dozens of things that don't work before stumbling onto the one thing that does work—the one thing that you knew and never wrote down. Your child will already be going through a terrible ordeal of moving on with her life without you. But with no instructions, her life will be turned completely upside down. The routines that she loves and depends upon so much would disappear because no one knows what they are.
Don't let this happen to your child. Don't let another day go by without starting her Life Plan. There are ways for you to cope with your feelings and get the job done.
But whatever you do, do something! Get started. If you're not good with death, that's OK. You don't have to be. Just be good with your child's life.
Maybe you think you are starting your Life Plan from scratch, but you probably have a head start that you haven't thought of. Almost every parent already has some written instructions for caregivers. Maybe it is a list of instructions for the teachers at school. Or a list of things you update every time you get a new nurse. Maybe you have directions for a baby sitter. No matter, you probably have something.
No matter how short it is, start with that. At least it's better than an empty page. Stick it in a box or a file folder or something, and label the container "Life Plan." There. You now have a Life Plan. Rudimentary, but you have it.
Even a professional author will tell you that there is no way for writers to know when they have written something that everyone can understand. The only way to be sure is to let someone else read it. For most writing, a professional editor gets involved as a surrogate for the large readership of a published work.
But a Life Plan doesn't have a large readership and you don't need a professional editor. You just need to show it to the people who need to understand it—the people who will take over to care for your child. If they can understand it, then it's ready.
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Last Modified: Wednesday, 06-Feb-2008 07:23:16 PST Betterway Press
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Copyright © 2004 Mike and Linda Moran. All rights reserved.
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