Eduardo, one hundred pounds overweight, knows intellectually the key to weight loss and weight control. He knows how to wait to eat until he is truly hungry and stop eating when he is minimally full. He engages in this practice much of the time. Then why can't Eduardo lose weight? The answer is simple: because he doesn't always do what he knows how to do. Eduardo tries mightily to stick to this regimen, but whenever stress comes along, it falls away. When Eduardo experiences stress, instead of waiting until hungry and stopping when full, he waits until stressed and stops when he is numb.

Fortunately, Eduardo has not wanted to go on a formal diet, because he knows that diets can increase his food focus and make matters worse. He also realizes that rigid diets can contribute to stress. However, his problem with stress and food hasn't gone away. And to make matters worse, as he grows older, his weight slowly creeps up. His friends and physician have encouraged him to exercise, but this hasn't seemed to help. For a few weeks he sees some weight loss, but in the end he has found that with time-consuming exercise added to his schedule, his stress level has gone up. He is overeating now more than ever.

Eduardo has been advised to look within for the answers to his problem but he rebels against this advice because he thinks it means he has to analyze his every last emotion. He believes this effort will be largely unproductive. He doesn't think delving into his past will make any difference in his ability to resist stress eating, and he is probably right. But what Eduardo doesn't realize is that there is another kind of internal change.

Define stress and eating

Stress eating and emotional eating are related in that all uncomfortable feelings cause stress. All of life is filled with every form of stress. Stress can come from both positive and negative life crises, such as a death, moving to a new home, the birth of a baby, a new job, and the list goes one. Stress can also come from the tiniest events, such as too much clutter, a crowded schedule, a colicky baby, a whiny child, or running out of orange juice.

Like emotional eating, stress eating serves the purpose of dulling the nervous system and offering a distraction. It isn't necessary to analyze why life's events cause this stress, and it isn't even necessary to analyze why Eduardo got into the bad habit of numbing his stress with food in the first place. Rather than analyze his childhood, a little effort and time are better spent looking at the beliefs and self-talk that lead to the stress-eating. At the heart of the problem is Eduardo's belief that stress is not tolerable and should be chased away.

Beliefs and self-talk that contribute to stress eating

Here are just a few possible examples of Eduardo's beliefs and self-talk. Notice the magical thinking, the "have-to's," and the rigid rules about reality.

What to do about stress and eating

With his current beliefs, Eduardo is sabotaging his weight loss. Just the belief that he could end up with a worse substance abuse problem is enough to keep him stress eating. But he also believes that stress is an intolerable enemy. What Eduardo needs is a change of beliefs.

The real truth is that he certainly can tolerate stress. He'll need a little daily practice at it, but just recognizing that stress is not an enemy will send him on the road to recovery. He'll also need to address his belief that if he stops stress eating, he will have to pick up some other substance. This is just not true.

As you can see, Eduardo has some work to do, but not the work of rigid diets, building willpower, or eliminating stress from his life. Eduardo's work is both easier and harder than that. It entails a willingness to identify his operative beliefs and self-talk, and to replace them.

Self-talk is insidious and hidden. For this reason, it would be advisable for Eduardo to write down his new replacement beliefs. The first and most important one might be: "Stress is part of life. Therefore, I would like to embrace stress." When Eduardo writes down his new beliefs, he can be mindful of replacing "musts" and "have-to's" with "I would really like." This process may take a few months of diligent daily work, but only for a few minutes a day.

Each time Eduardo finds himself in a stressful situation (which will be several times a day), he can now recognize the stress, and recognize its connection with a sudden desire to eat. That's when he can redirect his thinking thus,

"I know what this is! This is stress. I am having stress right now. I can tolerate this. Stress is part of life and I'd like not to chase it away."

If he's willing to do this piece of work, Eduardo will be no doubt pleasantly surprised by how suddenly the "hunger" leaves. Over time this will become easier to do. He will make some mistakes along the way, but all he needs to do is recognize the error, and tell himself,

"I tried to numb the stress this time with food. I'd really like next time to embrace the stress instead."

Where can stress eaters go for more information?

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In addition, Eduardo might be interested in subscribing to the free e-mail newsletter, Diet Survivors™ (View a sample without subscribing.)

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Eduardo might also like to buy the book How to Survive Your Diet and Conquer Your Food Issues Forever by Linda Moran. This book will help him with his thoughts and self-talk as they are directly related to stress eating. Learn more.

Stop stress eating without rigid diets or exercise.

Everyone has stress

You don't have to eliminate stress in your life in order to achieve your ideal weight. Instead, learn how to embrace stress. In Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet and Conquer Your Food Issues Forever, find out how to make stress your friend. Learn how to cope with your negative self-talk about stress. And have fun in the process! This light, upbeat, easy read could change your life forever.

Tired of dieting?

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What about other diet problems?

To read more about how to solve diet problems, click on Solve your dieting problems. Diet problems are also addressed in How to Survive Your Diet and its companion newsletter, Diet Survivors™.

To learn more about normal eating, read what is normal eating?

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