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Betterway Press
Home |
Normal Eating |
Disabilities |
Math |
Site Map |
About Us
What is normal eating?
Visit our Diet Survivors™ group on
Yahoo!
Subscribe to this monthly newsletter
Perhaps for your News Year's Resolution, you've decided to lose weight. That's fine, but rather than pressuring yourself, try a different focus this time. Using the principles outlined in these newsletters, you can achieve weight loss naturally, and while you're at it, you can nudge your slow, steady, weight loss into the background. Consider, instead, shifting your focus to the pursuit of your dreams.
Do you dream of the future? Do you have big ideas, plans, and goals? Everyone does. In fact, dreaming is the first part of planning. It helps us know which goals are truly important to us and which can stay just dreams. The next step we take after the dreaming is to start making plans, in the form of tiny baby steps.
Folks who dream of getting a degree might take one course to see how it fits in with their lifestyle. Or imagine that a friend wants to run for town council. He might begin by attending town council meetings. This is how we make things happen in our lives—one step at a time—all the while refining our dreams and goals.
Sadly, though, something peculiar happens to many folks when they're preoccupied with dieting—they wait to lose the weight. They tuck away those dreams in a black box or in some remote compartment in their mind. They say, "First, I have to lose this weight."
What's wrong with waiting until you lose the weight? Nothing, unless it's leading to failure, causing you anxiety, making you crazy, or any other consequence you don't like very much! These consequences often arise from such rigid beliefs.
Using basic principles of cognitive therapy, we can analyze this belief that the weight loss must come first, and dispute it. First, let's look at the statement, "Not until I lose the weight." What beliefs hide behind this statement?
Notice especially the musts and intolerables. You can learn to replace the musts with strongly prefers and to replace the intolerables with "I most certainly can tolerate this because I really would like to."
Next we'll apply the ABCDEF method spelled out by Dr. Michael R. Edelstein in his book, Three Minute Therapy.
Activating event: You're overweight, you dream of losing the weight, and you have other dreams too.
Belief: You must lose the weight before even thinking about other dreams. You must put your life on hold while you're overweight.
Consequences: Frustration, leading to anger with yourself. Extreme pressure to lose the weight. A self-image entirely wrapped up in your weight. Depression. Overeating for comfort, which is a vicious cycle.
Disputing your "musts": (These are questions you ask yourself to help you think more soberly and rationally.) What evidence have I seen that I must achieve my dreams in a certain order? Is it possible to think about this in a new way? Am I unnecessarily locking myself in with these beliefs?
Effective new thinking: I can choose which dreams to pursue now. I can even start "step one" of two of them at the same time. I am whole and legitimate right now. I am of great value right now. I don't have to feel pressure from myself or from the world to lose the weight first. I don't have to be influenced by what others think. I'd really like to lose the weight first, but it's not a must. I will begin a plan to pursue my dreams, based on what I'd really like to do most. I'd strongly prefer to lose the weight. But actually, I have some other things I'd like to have just as much or maybe even more so, but haven't wanted to think about it that way! Regardless, I am more in charge of these decisions than I thought.
Feeling: Enormous relief and a new perspective on my life. Laughing at myself for how locked in I was. Excitement over new possibilities. Maybe a little fear about this new freedom, but that's okay. I can tolerate uncomfortable feelings. It's worth it to me, because I'm keenly interested in the possible outcomes! Courage to take risks.
As you can see, cognitive therapy is a means to help you view yourself more logically and objectively. By doing so, changed feelings will follow. It is often true that our feelings arise from our beliefs and therefore won't change much until we attack the underlying beliefs. So much for the old seventies notion of exalting our feelings to some kind of god-like status!
The truth is that feelings are fleeting and changeable. Yes, indeed, we need to feel our feelings—not doing so leads to psychological disorders. But quickly after recognizing a feeling and allowing yourself to feel it, you can then inspect the beliefs that lead to the feelings in the first place. You can then change the beliefs, leading to new feelings. What freedom!
Contrary to the notions of some folks, everyone is capable of thinking logically and objectively. It just takes practice (like everything else important in life!). The beauty of cognitive therapy is that it is accessible to everyone, and a therapist is not a must. And if you don't want to call it cognitive therapy and would rather call it something else, go ahead! It's really about finding your inner wisdom.
For more information about how to be a Diet Survivor, see back issues of Diet Survivors™ or Diet Survivor definition.
A technical change is an external change, one that does not necessarily involve our heart and soul. Technical changes can be fun! This month's technical change is to work toward one small goal other than weight loss.
Perhaps you want to stop biting your nails, or maybe you've been wanting to refinish a piece of furniture. Maybe you've been putting off a purchase you thought you didn't deserve "until you lost the weight." Dare to try a small step! You'll never want to go back to where you were.
And tell us about it on the Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board. Find out more about technical change.
Adaptive change goes deeper than technical change. It might require a shift in focus, beliefs, self-talk, or self-image. But ultimately, it is those adaptive changes we make in our lives that are lasting, and that bring us satisfaction.
This month's adaptive change is to try the ABCDEF method discussed in this newsletter. Dare to think in a new way about your life. Finally, you don't have to change your feelings first. Instead, you can change your thinking and can be fully confident that the new feelings will follow.
And let us know your progress! Find out more about examining beliefs. Learn more about adaptive change.
Learn more about the new book, How to Survive Your Diet, available now!
What is normal eating?
Visit our Diet Survivors™ group on
Yahoo!
Subscribe to this monthly newsletter
Copyright © 2007, Linda E. Moran. All rights reserved.
These Web pages provide sensible advice on healthy diets, nutrition, and weight loss. However, no advice given here is intended as a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult your doctor when deciding to make significant dietary or lifestyle changes.
The psychological advice contained within these Web pages
is approved by Dr. Joan Henry
Direct all technical questions and comments about this site to
webmaster
Copyright © 2005 Betterway Press
Think big at your kitchen table
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Top-rated by Psych Central!
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| Learn more about the book, How to Survive Your Diet, available now! Click on the book cover to order. |
| Diets often don't work. Find out what is normal eating? |
| What is cognitive therapy? Cognitive therapy is a way to help yourself live a more rational, peaceful life, without having to delve into your past. Find out more about cognitive therapy. |
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What are technical and adaptive changes? These are two different approaches to bringing about improvement in your life. Many dieters mistakenly make technical changes, when they really need to make adaptive changes. Find out more about technical and adaptive change. |
| View back issues of this newsletter. See a list that links to every issue. Don't forget—these newsletters are printer-friendly! |
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Talk to us!* Comments and questions are always welcome. Please share
with us your story about how you survived your diet. Tell us what you would like to read about in these newsletters. And don't
hesitate to ask questions about the problems you face. We can't answer every question, but we are here to help.
Send us e-mail. *All correspondence becomes the property of Betterway Press and may appear in future newsletters (with names and e-mail addresses kept confidential). |
Linda Moran, author of How to Survive Your Diet, personally invites you to join the new |
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Order How to Survive Your Diet and Conquer Your Food Issues Forever by Linda Moran. Find out more about this book for dieters. 5.25" x 8.25" quality paperback 150 pages Index ISBN: 0-9749396-0-9 Library of Congress Control Number: 2004092105 $14.95 |
