Diet Survivors™ newsletter January 2007

The newsletter for normal eaters

Stop the binges!

Fade out the binge eating!

What's a Diet Survivor anyway? If you're new to this newsletter, read What is a Diet Survivor? Then find out here how to stop the binges once and for all.

"I just have to be careful." Have you ever talked to a thin person who said this? Maybe you find this statement maddening. "It must be nice" might be your cool answer, as inside, you boil over with frustration and envy. But you can become that person. Someday, you will be able to say, "Oh, keeping the weight off? I'm just careful each day."

So how do you cross the huge chasm from where you are now, to that thin person of the future who only "has to be a little careful"? If you have a binge eating disorder, it may seem impossible, but we're here to help.

You may be both relieved and disappointed to hear that I'm not about to sell you a product. There is no pill, no medicine, no technical change (outward change) that will cure you. However, do you think there are some folks who possess a bit of wisdom about this matter? Suppose for a moment that there were thin people walking around who have the knowledge to help you. Maybe these people lost weight and kept it off.

No such thing? Well, if you believe there's no such thing as a completely recovered overweight person, then why do you bother to keep dieting? There must be a few people out there who have recovered from their binge eating. Suppose a few of these people are looking for opportunities to simply share what they know? Applying wisdom to yourself is called adaptive change.

That's how the Diet Survivors™ Newsletter came to be. I care because I've "been there." I've done some research and have a few answers. I'm here to tell you that the solutions lie within you. I'd like to help you by pulling the inner wisdom out of you and showing it to you.

The first step is to read all the free materials I've written for you. You need words and more words. How will words help? Our diet and binge problems lie in our distorted self-talk and beliefs about body image and dieting, carefully constructed over the years, which are difficult to remove. We must fight language with language. To replace your self-talk, you need new self-talk, and plenty of it. This advice is offered free of charge, from the heart.

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What is binge eating disorder?

So let's get down to business. Do you have binge eating disorder? You might have it, and not realize it. You might think that you have a secret, embarrassing behavior, but you try so hard not to think about it that you don't realize you're not alone. In this way, it's a lot like other addictions—"denial is part of the disease," as they say.

Binge eating is now considered to be a disorder, just as anorexia and bulimia are disorders. If you feel out of control sometimes when you eat, and eat more than you intended, you can consider yourself a binge eater. You might have a mild case that might not even show on your body, or you may have been doing this for years and be quite obese. Be aware that binge eating can cause medical problems, such as high blood pressure, so be sure and have your checkups.

People who binge eat have at least one of these behaviors:

They secretly plan a meeting with their refrigerator.
They hop from restaurant to restaurant so nobody knows how much they're eating.
They steal food from the homes of others or from their children.
They appear to eat normal meals some of the time.
Others around them are not aware of their secret binges.
On a big binge, they vacillate between sweet and salty foods.
When they wake up in the morning, they wonder what kind of eating day they will have, and this causes stress.
They try to avoid all stress, in order to cure themselves, which never works out very well.
They view themselves as different from "normal eaters".

What to do about this binge eating disorder?

The secret to ending this disorder is to treat it similarly to the way anxiety disorder is treated. That's right—you can think of yourself as having a temporary form of anxiety disorder. Did you know that anxiety disorder is treated with self-talk? Often (but not always) a patient with anxiety disorder can recover without any psychiatric medication, and so can you.

It will take some work, but not the work of willpower. Instead, it will require vigilance about your self-talk and beliefs. It will take some time, and you will have setbacks. You will need to apply yourself to becoming endlessly positive. You will have to believe in yourself like never before.

Think of your greatest challenge, triumph, or accomplishment in life. Was it giving birth? Winning a gymnastics competition in high school? Overcoming grief? Getting that big promotion? Think of the mental shift and hard mental work you needed in order to achieve your greatest feat. That's the level of energy, intensity, and focus you will need in order to overcome this disorder. If you are willing, you can do it.

In times of sickness, humans become self-focussed. It's normal behavior to turn inward, focus on the pain relief, focus on wellness. You will become intensely self-focussed for a little while. This is not to say that you cannot also follow through on your responsibilities and obligations in life. You can go right on working, taking care of your family, and whatever else you do. But on the inside, you will carry around a magnifying glass through which you watch yourself. It's the magnifying glass of self-awareness. You will, at many points throughout each day, examine closely the thoughts you are thinking, and you will replace them with more rational, positive thoughts.

You might think that this self-focus is all too familiar, because you've had to be introspective for a long time, trying to cope with this disorder. That may be true, but this new kind of attention to self will liberate you to move on with your life and concentrate on other things. That old self-obsession didn't get you very far, did it?

Every time you have a setback, and find yourself in an out-of-control binge, you will tell yourself that this is part of the road to wellness, and that you expected that this would happen a few more times. Every time you think in "black and white," such as "I've already blown it for the day. I might as well go on a big binge," you will stop yourself and replace this self-talk with, "It's not black and white. This was a smaller binge than usual. I'll stop right now, and wait until I'm hungry again before I eat, even if that's not until tomorrow."

Every time you tell yourself, "I'm under stress right now. I must eat to dull my senses," you will stop yourself and realize that stress is part of life and that you can indeed tolerate stress. You will be amazed and surprised to find out that stress is not quite as awful as you thought.

Every time you experience an ugly emotion, such as disappointment, embarrassment, shame, or whatever is your particular bugaboo, you will notice that you want food. This food reaction has served to dull your senses in the past. You will need to be very brave now because your new response will be, "I am experiencing disappointment, which I hate, but I'd rather not medicate it with food or substance. Instead, I'll walk through it, and in a little while, the emotion will fade by itself. I can tolerate this."

Here are some tips for good replacement self-talk:

Replace the word "must" with the phrase "would like to." Example: "I must get this weight off quickly" can be replaced with the more rational "I'd like to get this weight off, but I won't die if it takes a while."
Realize that all of life is full of frustration. Recognize your frustrations at every moment of the day, as best you can, and let it just hang around. Don't turn it into anger at others, anger at yourself, or a need to self-medicate with food. Say, as many times a day as you need to, "Life is full of frustration. That's just how it is. I'm frustrated right now. I can tolerate this."
Become aware of your black-and-white thinking. Example: "I cannot tolerate this feeling; I will eat later." can be replaced with, "I don't like this feeling, I'd rather not have it, but I can tolerate it."
Stop thinking in terms of whole days. Binge eaters are notorious for saying, "I'll start over again tomorrow." Even if it's 8 o'clock at night, and you had a heavy eating day, don't wait until tomorrow to correct your self-talk. Say this, "It's 8 o'clock at night, and I'm recognizing now that I had some distorted thinking today. This is a milestone for me! Hurray! I'm starting over right now with better self-talk. I feel good about finally becoming self-aware." Do you see what we mean by staying endlessly positive? Constantly look for reasons to feel good about your tiny baby steps toward recovery. Don't give up. You are stronger than this disorder.
A person with anxiety disorder becomes anxious about his anxiety, making matters worse. This individual needs to learn to talk himself down from the ledge. Whenever you find yourself at a precipice, say, "I'm on that ledge, and I'm starting to believe I just can't succeed. I refuse to let my mind go in that direction. I am learning to say better things to myself. I will do the best I can right now. I'll go take a walk to clear my head."

"I'll start over again tomorrow"—NOT

The technical work of stopping the binges is to learn how to stop yourself right in the middle. Right now, that's even more important than the end goal of preventing them completely. Stopping in the middle will help you alter your black-and-white thinking.

As soon as you drum up the resolve, even if everything is out of the refrigerator and on the kitchen table, and you're sure you've already consumed 5,000 calories, tell yourself, "I can stop right now. That would be better than consuming another 5,000 calories first." Then abruptly stop, and put it all away.

Now's the time to feel good about yourself, not defeated or depressed. Why feel good about yourself when you've just had a binge? Because by ending it arbitrarily, you are learning to fade away your "all-or-nothing" thinking. It will take time.

And here's a tip—if you're highly motivated, but it still seems out of reach to end a binge before its "natural" finish (when you're in pain), try ending it with a small amount of a high-protein food, such as a cube of cheese or a slice of roast beef. Ending a binge with protein can help because high-protein foods have the most "staying power" and will help end the euphoria. But remember—the adaptive work is the most important piece.

Fading your binge eating—expect setbacks

It's not realistic to expect no more binges. Maybe that could happen, but it's more likely that your binges will fade slowly. That's okay! Stay in each moment, and don't draw any big conclusions. Instead, allow small steps to become your new way of life.

This may be the hardest work you've ever done because you are not going to bow to any food plan or external eating rules. Instead, all the work lies inside you. In the meantime, follow our general guidelines for eating. That is, wait until you're hungry before you eat, stop when you're gently satiated, and allow yourself all the food groups. For more information about our guidelines, read What is a Diet Survivor?

See back issues of this newsletter to read more about self-talk. (You'll see a list of back issues on the right-side column of this newsletter.)

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Diet Survivors™ newsletter January 2007

The newsletter for normal eaters

Stop the binges!

Fade out the binge eating!

What is binge eating disorder?

What to do about this binge eating disorder?

"I'll start over again tomorrow"—NOT

Fading your binge eating—expect setbacks

How to Survive Your Diet and Conquer Your Food Issues Forever

Read more about adaptive changes in this new book by Linda Moran

Two easy ways to order

Stop the binges!