Diet Survivors™ newsletter December 2006

The newsletter for normal eaters

What is normal eating?
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Rule eating vs. wisdom eating

Which is better?

The Rules of "Normal" Eating, by Karen R. Koenig, is a well-written and delightful book about recovery from dysfunctional eating. The rules of which the author speaks are really the nature-directed wisdom by which we remain healthy and thin, and which many have us have discarded. We recommend this book for diet recoverers.

In this article, however, we speak of a different kind of rules. These rules are external, self-imposed, harsh directives by which we try to restrict our eating. Read on, to find out why wisdom-eating, supported both by Koenig and Moran in their respective books, is the best way.

Another holiday season

Another holiday season come and gone. This is hard for others to understand, but chronic dieters think the winter holidays were designed to torture them. It's sad, because it doesn't have to be that way.

The problem is that dieters follow rules, and then they need rules about when to break the rules, special rules for the holidays, rules about eating at a restaurant, rules about eating at their mother-in-law's house, and rules about when to go back on the diet.

Depending upon who they've been talking to, what membership they've joined, or what book they're reading, dieters come up with a wide range of rules to impose upon themselves.

When in doubt, they even make up some extra rules that they've never heard of. This rule habit leads to a belief that the right rules will produce success. Therefore, when the diet fails, the dieter sets out to find a new set of rules. What are these rules? Here are just a few, but the truth is that there are as many rules as there are dieters, and that's a lot of rules!

Who wants to live this way? Let's take a closer look at this life of rules.

Irrational rules for low-fat dieters

I can only eat the way I want to when I'm eating out.
I must never buy tuna fish in oil. It must be packed in water. (Have you noticed that tuna packed in oil has become difficult to find in the supermarket? And have you ever noticed that you need more mayonnaise for tuna packed in water?)
When adding milk in a recipe, I must use only skim.
At a party, I must always reach for the pretzels.
When buying pretzels, I must buy the non-fat kind, not the low-fat kind.
I must eat as much food as possible that is low in calories.
If there's a non-fat version, I must have that.
If there's no non-fat version, but there's a low-fat version, I must have that.
If it's full of fat, I must avoid it.
I must only have fat-free dressing on my salad.

Irrational rules for low-carb dieters

I must keep my carbohydrate intake very low so I can eat all the food I want.
I must avoid all potatoes and carrots.
I must pick the carrot slivers out of the salad before I eat it.
Ranch dressing is good; Thousand Island dressing is bad.
Nuts, seeds, and beans will make me fat.
I must have cream in my coffee, never whole milk or half-and-half.
I must never never have even a smidgeon of white flour, not even in that delicious gravy.

Some other irrational diet rules

Never eat the kids' leftovers.
Never clean your plate.
Exercise everyday, an hour or more with my heart rate elevated. I must sweat.
Drink only water, never any other liquid which would be a waste of calories.
I am never allowed to have junk food.
I must never eat more than ten bites of food per meal.
I must never drink regular pop. I may only have the diet version.
If there's a diet version of a food, I must have that version, never the regular version.
Overeating means I don't love God, and He won't be pleased, so I must never overeat! (Yes, there really are folks who believe this.)
I must wear the tightest clothes possible so I can fit into the smallest size possible.
I can't work toward any of my other dreams until this weight is off.
If I just never eat dessert, I'll be thin.
Never eat standing up. (Why not? Doesn't a standing sack fill best?)

Quite a list! Now, think about it. Does adherence to these rules lead to freedom from food issues and their accompanying excess weight? Of course not. That's another reason they're irrational—they don't work.

And as a Diet Survivor yourself, you know very well how to distort the rules. The stubborn dieter, for example, will find himself eating at restaurants a lot so he can break his rule. Or he'll add extra mayo to the tuna that was packed in water.

It turns out that rule-oriented diets tend not to work in the long run. Why? There are many reasons, but here are a few:

We have a psychological need for a variety of foods, textures, and food groups.
We need nutrients in a variety of foods.
Our bodies are wired to have an appetite which controls likes, dislikes, and amounts. When we override our natural mechanism, this mechanism eventually rebels. In the long run, the appetite center of our brains will usually win.
Cultural expectations and holidays often get in the way. We end up feeling guilty over cultural, religious, and family celebrations.
What makes foods flavorful and satisfying are the fats in them. We'll eat less if we allow ourselves fats.
When we alter foods, our taste buds are not satisfied, leading us to have to compensate by eating more food.
The rules pertaining to altering foods to remove fat or carbohydrates lead us to believe that if we do so carefully, we may eat all the food we want. This leads us to ever-increasing appetites and accustomed portions.
Rules, such as "I cannot work toward my dreams until the weight is off" set up unrealistic expectations and pressures. Then, when we're at an emotional weak point, we succumb to overeating, due to the pressure of it all.*

* By the way, did you know that everyone has emotional weak points? You might think your problem is emotional weakness, but that's not true. Some people seem to be able to accept themselves that way better than others. Does this resonate? Perhaps allowing yourself to more fully join the human race is food for thought (no pun intended).

Wisdom Eating

Wisdom eating, on the other hand, assumes that we are capable of tuning in to the appetite center of our brains (the hypothalamus). In fact, we can tune in so finely that we know just what we'd like to eat, when we'd like to eat it, and what is the right amount. If you've been on self-imposed rules for a long time, expect it to take a while to learn how to tune in again.

Wisdom eating also means making sensible choices. These days, that's not easy, though. Advice abounds about what we should and should not eat. We at Diet Survivors™ believe that it may be best to follow your grandmother's advice: eat three squares a day, follow the old-style basic four food groups, don't eat too many sweets or you'll get a tummy ache, and get some fiber. For more information, read about how Diet Survivors™ eat.

So the answer to food wisdom is two-fold. On the one hand, you want to aim toward eating according to your body's appetite and timing (allowing for real-world schedules). On the other hand, you certainly want to feel good about what you're eating, so go light on the Valentine's chocolates this month.

And instead of self-imposed rules, see if you can make small meals a way of life. Expect it to take some time. Remember to wait until you are hungry before eating, and stop before you're stuffed. When you first start it might be hard to know when to stop, but if learning to do so is your goal, that's all you need. You will eventually achieve it.

For more information about how to be a Diet Survivor, see back issues of Diet Survivors. And consider joining the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board.

Technical Change: Break a Rule!

A technical change is an external change that does not necessarily involve our heart and soul.

This month's suggested technical change is to break a rule. Have fun with it. Eating, after all, is a joyous thing! You'll never want to go back to where you were. Find out more about technical change.

Adaptive Change: Get Busy!

Adaptive change goes deeper. It might require a shift in focus, beliefs, self-talk, or self-image. But ultimately, it is those adaptive changes we make in our lives that are lasting, and that bring us satisfaction.

This month's adaptive change is to get busy in your life with something other than concentrating on your eating. There's no quicker cure for micro-managing one's eating than fixing your mind on something else!

What's stopping you? Maybe it's time to examine your distorted beliefs which carry little evidence of being factual. Maybe, for example, you believe that you'll get out of control if you take your focus off your weight and eating. What evidence do you have to support this? Find out more about examining beliefs. Learn more about adaptive change.

Learn more about the new book, How to Survive Your Diet, available now! View the book on Amazon.com.

What is normal eating?
Visit our Diet Survivors™ group on Yahoo!
Subscribe to this monthly newsletter

These Web pages provide sensible advice on healthy diets, nutrition, and weight loss. However, no advice given here is intended as a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult your doctor when deciding to make significant dietary or lifestyle changes.

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Last Modified: Wednesday, 06-Feb-2008 07:12:57 PST Betterway Press
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Diet Survivors™ newsletter December 2006

The newsletter for normal eaters

Rule eating vs. wisdom eating

Which is better?

Another holiday season

Irrational rules for low-fat dieters

Irrational rules for low-carb dieters

Some other irrational diet rules

Wisdom Eating

Technical Change: Break a Rule!

Adaptive Change: Get Busy!

Wisdom Eating